The fire at Los Alamos has had one significant
consequence. A secret scientific document was discovered in a bunker
whose security systems were mostly destroyed by the fire. This document
was leaked to the public last weekend.
Actually it reveals nothing that we didnít already
suspect. But it does show that besides arsenic, lead, mercury, radon,
strontium and plutonium, one more extremely deadly and pervasive element
is known to exist.
This startling new discovery has been tentatively
named Governmentium (Gv) but kept top secret for 50 years. The new
element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0.
It does, however, have 1 neutron, 125 deputy neutrons, 75 supervisory
neutrons, and 111 team leader neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by a force
called morons, that are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like
particles called peons. Since it has no electrons, Governmentium is
inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with
which it comes into contact.
According to the discoverers, a minute amount of
Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete
when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium has a
normal half-life of approximately three years. It does not decay but
instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the deputy
neutrons, supervisory neutrons, and team leader neutrons exchange
places. In fact, Governmentium mass will actually increase over time,
since, with each reorganization, some of the morons inevitably become
neutrons, forming new isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some
scientists to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons
reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is
referred to as the "Critical Morass."